Big girls cry
by Moira.Shipper
Summary: This story is AU, from Jerri's book, Mosaic. After breaking up with her boyfriend in Mars, Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay meet each other in the pools.


**Author:** MoiraShipper

 **Summary:** This story is AU, from Jerri's book, Mosaic. After breaking up with her boyfriend in Mars, Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay meet each other in the pools.

 **Big girls cry**

 _I may cry, ruining my makeup  
Wash away all the things you've taken  
And I don't care if I don't look pretty  
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking  
_ **Big girls cry-Sia**

She wasn't the prettiest girl he had seen, Chakotay thought as he stared at Kathryn Janeway. The 18 year-old girl had auburn hair falling over her shoulders and a plain face. She was different from the brunette women with curves from his tribe, or Sveta, from the academy, tall and blonde.

But the confidence with she walked, the gentle smile on her face and her brilliant mind made her beautiful.

After graduating from the academy that year and getting ready for his first and long mission in a starship, the big indian with broad chest and pitch black and cropped hair had decided to spend a few days of his vacation on Mars, now that he and Sveta had broken up and returned being only friends. And not only because of that, but because things between his father and he hadn't improved yet, after leaving his planet and tribe to join Starfleet.

Now he was watching from afar the couple for the second time, in those private pools. Kathryn and a blond boy of her age were arguing.

That was her last summer before joining her beloved Starfleet Academy and it was the last day she would be on Mars. But Kathryn Janeway's joy was giving way to anger because her boyfriend Ched and she were having the biggest of all the fights and now she realized how much she had poorly chosen to date him.

"It's better if we don't see each other again this summer." She told him in the pool and he crossed his arms.

"Of course, the great Kathryn Janeway can't be seen with someone who was refused at the Academy." The girl stared at him in shock, before leaving the pool.

"Ched, this isn't true. Hey, we came here to have fun and explore the underground caves, but all you have done is complain and scold me."

"If you hadn't called for help-" He started to say angrily, talking about the incident in the abandoned mansion, where she had ended calling for help and saving the life of an old woman.

"Don't you dare blame me!" She told him, the sympathy leaving her face as she narrowed her eyes. "If you hadn't been so selfish and helped save her, you would have won a recommendation. We saved a life that night. And you can try the Academia next year. "

Ched looked at her with disgust, before saying with venom:

"Sure, easy for someone who is the daughter of an admiral. But you know what? It's better this way. I don't know how much longer I could have endured stand by your side, listening about science and more science. You're not even beautiful, so it's not like I'm missing that much."

Kathryn felt her face grow hot. No one had the right to say that it had been easy for her to entry in the Academy because of who her father was. The Admiral Janeway had spent most of her daughters' life away, working in San Francisco and Kathryn had always given her best at school. So what if she liked science? Studying? So what if she wasn't beautiful enough? Those weren't the only things that defined her, and she knew that.

But she couldn't ignore the lump in her throat to hear the boy say those things in such a cruel way in front of her, because since she was 13 the boys had only paid attention to her younger sister, Phoebe, or to her friends while she'd stay inside her room studying and doing experiments, and often secretly thinking of her holonovels and wondering when it would be her turn to love and be loved by someone.

"Then go Ched." She replied, low but firmly as she left the pool, crossing her arms over her bikini, without looking at him. "Because I'm not losing that much too. Someone so selfish, rude and that doesn't know how to treat a woman."

The boy was furious and Chakotay was ready to interfere if he tried to move forward, however he grabbed his backpack, knocking the girl's bag down violently and going to the stairs.

Kathryn released her breath, trying to absorb what had just happened, as she bent down to pick up her bag and her padd. She snorted to see that the only padd she had brought with her had broken during the fall. She sat on the bench, putting the bag on the floor and staring at her reflex on the broken screen. She ran her fingers over her eyes, lowering to her cheeks and then lips, pulling and stretching theses parts, staring at herself.

"Fuck."

Yes, her face was plain and most of the time she hated her hair, which though being smooth, was voluminous and often she couldn't hairstyle it.

She sighed, feeling her eyes filling with tears. _I can't believe I'm going to cry._ She held her breath, counting to five, so she wouldn't let a tear fall, not caring that her wet hair was dripping over the screen when then someone stopped in front of her, crouching down and extending her a padd.

"Why?" She asked, frowning and staring at him.

The man should be five years older than her, from some North American tribe, judging by his golden skin and black and short hair. His black eyes were bright and showed kindness.

"Because I saw that yours is broken. You can have it, I've brought another one with me."

"Thanks...?"

"Chakotay."

"Cha-ko-tay." She said, liking how the name sounded in her mouth, but then making it clear: "I'm Kathryn Janeway. Thank you, but I don't need you to feel sorry for me for what happened."

"I know and I'm not doing this because I feel pity, despite wanting to drag him here to apologize to you."

"Then why are you doing this?" She asked, confused.

"A man should always treat a woman with respect and affection. The way he spoke to you..." Chakotay said, shaking his head and staring at the staircase angrily. But then his face softened when he turned to Kathryn. "It just shows he may be related to a Ferengue."

Kathryn laughed and Chakotay realized, while hearing her infectious laugh, that he'd try anything just to make her laugh like that again. When her laughter subsided, Kathryn held out her hand, helping him to rise from the ground and giving him room on the bench beside her, where he soon sat down.

"Thanks Chakotay... But Ched's right about some things. I'm not beautiful." She said, a little resentful, not caring to be opening up to someone she'd just met.

"So what?" Chakotay asked, smiling gently, putting his hands on hers, which were resting over her lap with the padd, and both blushed at the touch while his big thumbs massaged the back of her hands.

"Personality, intelligence, all those things along with the flesh that make someone beautiful. And you are. Do you know that people where I come from consider this, a red hair like yours, a gift? And your eyes resemble the Trebus sky." He said sincerely, staring at her blue and surprised eyes.

Kathryn didn't know what to say. That stranger guy was treating her so well, different from the way Chad had been treating her in the last weeks.

"Trebus?"

"It's the planet where I came from." He explained, telling her about his tribe and family, but avoiding talking about his father. Although Kathryn had felt the strain, she chose not to intrude.

When the two realized, they were already talking about subjects and books they liked, childhood memories and places they would like to know. The conversation flowed naturally and both felt relaxed in the presence of the other.

Kathryn then smiled, looking fondly at the padd before removing Chakotay's hands from hers gently, to put the object aside and then she sighed, thinking about everything that had happened that afternoon and ran a hand over her eyes for a moment, before saying with confidence, staring at his black eyes:

"You reminded me something I already knew, beauty goes beyond how I look... and you also helped me to recover my feminine side."

"Glad to help." He replied, smiling and showing his dimples, as he bowed.

"You're not real." She laughed as he joined her. Opening a beautiful smile, her eyes sparkling, she suggested: "Let's explore the caves?"

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and after a tense moment where both had had trouble getting back to the surface when faced with swirls near the caves, both using their skills to save each other, Chakotay laid Kathryn in one of the caves there, still with the torches that she and Ched had left earlier and wrapped her in a warm hug, absorbing her scent of roses and Kathryn felt her heart racing and then he slipped his warm lips to her forehead, muttering a prayer, _Spirits_.

"Hey, we're okay, we're okay." She comforted him, hugging him back and brushing away the wet hair from his forehead.

"I was worried." He admitted, taking her hand that was on his face and intertwining their fingers, raising them to his lips and kissing each of her fingers and she nodded, she had felt the same.

At that moment, surrounded by the pools of Mars, blue and black eyes facing each other, both realized that something special was happening between them and they wanted that moment to be eternal.

Kathryn laid herself slowly on the ground while Chakotay stayed over her, being careful not to hurt her, and slowly, he approached his lips to hers, until he was kissing her with passion, giving them goose bumps.

Kathryn's eyes widened with that perfect kiss, before closing them and kissing him back, deepening it, knowing she was about to give herself in a way that she had never done with Ched, however she trusted Chakotay and wanted him so much.

"Are you sure?" He murmured as his hands explored her body, until they stop on her bikini bar, stroking her gently and leaving a trail of heat on her skin.  
He wanted to bring out the woman inside of her, make that moment special for her.

"Positive." She replied confidently, as she raised one leg and wrapped it around his waist and he whispered sweet nothings in her ear before her capture her lips in a passionate kiss.

When they left the pool, out of breath because of the swimming and of what they had done down there in the caves, they knew it was time to say goodbye, because Kathryn was leaving to Indiana with her father that night.

When they heard the Admiral calling the girl's name on her comm, Chakotay held out his hand to her, who tightened it firm, both smiling.

"Thanks Chakotay, for everything, my afternoon that had started terrible, didn't end so terrible, it was magical, thanks to an awesome guy."

"I feel the same. Kathryn, it was a pleasure, never forget how beautiful you are, the woman you are. "

"I won't."

"And I hope we meet one day, on the same ship." He said hopefully.

It was funny to think that before, he hadn't seen anything on her and now she was the most beautiful and amazing girl, no, woman he had ever met, and prayed for them to meet again.

"I'm sure we will." She replied fervently, as they exchanged a kiss and then she put a hand on his shoulder and said gently: "I don't want to intrude, but I know you have problems with your father, so why don't you try to talk to him again? He loves you very much, and as well as I know my father loves me too, I wish he could spend more time with me..."

"I'll visit him." He promised, and he would, because the way she had talked brought him a huge peace, reminding him of the good times in Trebus, with his father.

She smiled and they kissed again, and then she picked up his padd and her purse and ran toward the staircase confidently.

If none of them ended up suffering a memory loss or buried by the tasks from the Academy, definitely they would find each other, because there was a romantic potential there.


End file.
